In case you missed it on my recent solo podcast episode, I answered a ton of your relationship questions. While I’m no expert, a lot of you asked me how to get over a breakup. Whether you’re married or have been in a relationship for a short amount of time, breakups are hard. They’re something we all experience at some point in our lives, so I’m sharing a few tips that make breakups a little less painful.
Allow yourself to feel sad
Breakups are sad. There’s no other way to put it. I think the most important thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel sad. Don’t just try to distract yourself or numb out from the uncomfortable feelings. I think a lot of people stay in relationships where they are unhappy or unfulfilled to avoid the feeling the painful emotions. Nobody wants to deal with the uncomfortable sh*t like disentangling your life from somebody else’s, especially when you’ve created a life with them. Just remember that sometimes the only way to get over something painful is through it.
Have faith in the unknown
When you say no to one thing, you’re saying yes to something else. Often times, we get so wrapped up in what’s familiar, that we forget that there are other and possibly better opportunities that lie ahead. If you’re unhappy in a relationship or are just with someone because it’s comfortable, keep in mind that you’re limiting yourself to all other possibilities. It’s not fair to yourself or your partner to stay in a relationship just because it’s comfortable, if you know deep down that something’s not right.
Write or journal
Journaling helps me so much to process my emotions. Breakups are painful and there’s something so therapeutic about getting all your thoughts and emotions out on paper. Whether you initiated the breakup or not, writing always brings me clarity and helps to open up your stream of consciousness. This also ties back to my first point about allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you might be experiencing. You can’t move on from a breakup unless you allow yourself to acknowledge and accept the way you’re feeling.
Fill your calendar with things you love
Weekends and idle time can be tough when you’re going through a breakup. My advice is to fill your calendar with things you love. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be around friends or people, but try to plan out your day and include things that bring you joy. Maybe it’s cooking or working out, grabbing a smoothie or matcha, whatever it is, fill your time with things that make you happy. Just remember that there’s a difference between staying busy and avoidance. Don’t just distract yourself to avoid the discomfort of your feelings, but it’s not healthy to wallow in despair either. It’s all about balance!
Become the person you’re hoping to attract
There’s something I learned in recovery that has really stuck with me. That is to write down all the characteristics of your ideal partner and to go and embody those traits yourself. Try to live up to that ideal by becoming the person you’re trying to attract. I like that this takes all the focus off finding someone else. You attract what you are, so once you become everything you hope to find in a partner, you’ll be ready once that person comes into your life.
Try to get excited for what’s to come! Things don’t work out for a reason and this is just an opportunity for you to grow and start a new chapter in your life. You’re stronger than you realize and you’ll get through this stronger and better than you were before.